Like the other fruits of the Spirit, self-control is not for its own sake. When we are masters of ourselves instead of slaves to ourselves, we are truly free—free to live lives that bless others and glorify God.
As I was reading Alexis’s post on self-control earlier this month, I got to thinking about the areas of my life that present opportunities to practice discipline. And there are many! Spiritual disciplines come to mind, of course, but so do many practical parts of everyday life. Here are a few that come to mind:
- Whom and what we listen to. A generation ago, if you wanted advice, you would ask someone you know and trust (or maybe check out a library book). Today, anyone with a phone and an internet connection can be an “influencer” online—and we are easily influenced. Self-control means filtering everything we read, see, and hear through the lens of Scripture, and tune out the voices that steer us away from biblical thinking and living. That might mean unfollowing certain social media accounts, replacing songs and podcasts on our playlist with choices that are more edifying, or putting down or phones altogether, freeing us to think biblically.
- Our time. As finite creatures who are future citizens of God’s eternal kingdom, we must balance our legitimate need for rest and relaxation with the need to “number our days” and make them count for eternity (Psalm 90:12). Time management will look a little different for everyone, but it always requires wisdom and discernment from the Lord. Consider taking small steps like deleting certain apps from your phone (even temporarily), or limiting TV time to a certain night of the week with your husband or family. If you feel God nudging you about something you’re wasting time on, pay attention. One day we will give an account to him for how we’ve spent our lives (Rom. 14:12). When we are disciplined with our time, we have more free time to serve others and grow in the knowledge of God.
- Our words. If you could replay everything you’ve said in the last 24 hours, what would you hear? Controlling our tongues goes beyond avoiding gossip and four-letter words. We also need to control our tendency to complain about life’s inconveniences, vent to our husbands about people and situations at church, argue, nag our kids, or even sigh in frustration. Having self-control means intentionally replacing these habits with gratitude, cheerfulness, calm speech, and kind, encouraging words. When we do this, we “shine as lights in the world” (Phil. 4:15). What is said about the Proverbs 31 woman should be true of us: “The law of kindness is on her tongue.”
- Our thinking. “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45). Our outward demeanor will eventually reflect what we’re thinking about. Lately when I’ve caught myself thinking negatively about challenging circumstances and daily frustrations, I’ve noticed that if I don’t intentionally shift my thinking, that negativity escapes my lips in the form of complaining or ingratitude. No one wants to be around that! When I choose to have a cheerful attitude and find things to thank God for, even in trials, my demeanor follows, and the people around me are blessed.
- Our bodies. The way we use, fuel, move, rest, and care for our bodies should make us the best versions of ourselves, for the glory of God and the benefit of others. God created us to be embodied creatures, made in his image, and what we do with our bodies matters deeply to him: “Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God” (Rom. 6:13 NKJV).
- Our housekeeping. It takes self-discipline to plan and cook a healthy meal, wash the dishes right away rather than stacking them in the sink, sweep up the crumbs, and put away the clutter. Caring for our homes and the people in them is kingdom work. Having the discipline to stay on top of things throughout the day keeps us from getting buried beneath them all. Every family has a different level of tolerance for messes, but regardless of your family culture, husbands and children are blessed by an environment of nurture and order. This is especially true if your husband is in ministry—having things in order at home helps him bear the strain.
As Alexis mentioned in her post, self-control is not unattainable—it is within the reach of every believer by walking in step with the Spirit, and its fruit benefits everyone around us.