I was 17. I had just “crossed from death to life” (John 5:24), having believed in Jesus for eternal life after hearing about the free gift of salvation in Christ at my best friend’s youth group. And my life was about to change forever, thanks to a homeschool mom in a little brick house.
Debbie was the mom of another family in my youth group. At the time, she was raising and homeschooling three high schoolers and a kindergartener. Her house was always spilling over with teenagers seeking warm fellowship and homemade fried chicken. Somehow there was always room at her kitchen table for more. That little house was paradise to me. I always walked in the front door knowing I’d be well-loved, well-fed, and well-taught before I left.
Rarely did I have the conscious thought that Debbie was mentoring me; she was simply welcoming me into her very normal (and very full) life. But I know now that she was obeying God’s instructions in the book of Titus:
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. (Titus 2:3–5)
God’s Word instructs that older women should mentor younger ones, whether younger in years or in spiritual maturity. I was so blessed to have landed in a solid, loving, Bible-believing church as a new Christian, but it was my relationship with Debbie that took my newfound faith to the next level—and prepared me to be a Christian wife and mom a few years later.
Based on my experience being mentored by Debbie, here are seven ideas for you who are mentoring a younger woman:
1. Remember that it doesn’t have to be formal. We might think of mentorship as a weekly commitment to meet for coffee and Bible study. That’s one way to do it, but you may not have the capacity for that in this season of your life—and that doesn’t mean you can’t be a mentor. There may be someone you can teach “by the way”—someone who’s already in your home often, or whom you already see regularly. I never formally asked Debbie to disciple me; I simply went to her house to hang out with her kids. But I learned the fundamentals of the Christian walk from washing the dinner dishes with her at the kitchen sink and riding along with her on errands. Capture casual opportunities to pour into a young woman’s life with your love, prayers, and wisdom.
2. Give her a vision of biblical womanhood. Gender roles are reviled in our culture, but Debbie taught me the beauty and value of biblical femininity. Thanks to the vision she cast for me, I entered marriage with an eagerness to love my husband and submit to him out of reverence for Christ, and a commitment to embrace full-time motherhood as my primary vocation when the time would come.
3. Help her find her place in the local church. Her time with you will be invaluable in her spiritual walk, but mentorship is supplemental to participation in the body of Christ. Model and encourage weekly church attendance, and help her find and use her spiritual gifts. Ask her to serve with you at church when there’s a need.
4. Show her the supremacy of Scripture. Hopefully she’s getting solid Bible teaching at church, but if she hasn’t had much experience studying Scripture, she may need extra help learning how to mine its treasures for herself. Show her how you read and study your Bible and how you conform your life to its teachings.
5. Let her learn from your example. I noticed that Debbie cooked a bountiful dinner for her family every night, always making room for any “extras” who showed up. I saw her habit of waking at 4 a.m. to pack her husband’s lunch and see him off to work, then sitting in her rocking chair reading her Bible and praying before grabbing another hour of sleep. I saw Debbie’s excellence in motherhood. I saw her repent and apologize when she spoke harshly to anyone in her family. I saw evangelism and love for neighbor in action as I watched her build friendships with the refugees in her neighborhood, despite awkward cultural and language barriers. Observing her life is what shaped mine.
6. Keep her stocked with good books and resources. I was constantly raiding Debbie’s bookshelves and coming back for more, and those books shaped my Christian walk indelibly. If the woman you’re mentoring is not a big reader, make a list of podcasts and audiobooks you can recommend (but encourage her to start a reading habit too!).
7. Be transparent with her. You don’t need to be perfect in order to be a good example. Whenever appropriate, share with her your struggles and temptations and let her see how you repent when you’ve sinned. I distinctly remember Debbie showing me an apology note she wrote her husband after an argument, with a Snickers bar attached as an offering of love and reconciliation. She was never afraid to admit she was wrong, and she extolled the virtue of humility in a way that made me want to live humbly and transparently.
8. Pray with her and for her. Ultimately, her spiritual growth depends on God, not you—so keep asking God to work in her life. And when you’re together, open or close your time in prayer. You’ll get to seek the Lord together, she’ll get to hear you praying for her, and she’ll learn to pray more effectively and biblically by your example.